Thanks to David at The Sufferfest for sending me a free copy of his latest Sufferfest offering. I’m sure in some countries this offering would qualify for an attempted murder charge or assisted suicide but I’m always willing to ruin myself in the name of cycling.
And so it came to be, on the hottest October day that the UK has seen for many, many years, I decide to dust off the turbo trainer from its eight month slumber, send the kids to their bedrooms (there are some things that children just shouldn’t see) and set the fan at the perfect angle where it will blow warm air directly into my face.
Full of trepidation, I pressed play on the Ipad and started spinning my legs whilst I was told just how dark my world was due to become. After the usual five minute warm up that lulls you into a false sense of security, came a series of short sprints – just to get the legs warm you understand, even though my legs were already starting to complain. All too quickly, I’m into the four minute sessions. Thinking back, I remember very little about these efforts, I could have lost consciousness at some points although, I fear like a World War 2 soldier fighting my way onto the landing beaches, I had become shellshocked and my fragile mind decided to block out the horrible memories, suppressing them until my body is strong enough to unlock them again.
I have vague memories of the Schleck brothers longfully looking at each other as Gilbert attacks. I remember cobbles and Fabian Cancellara repeatedly punishing me as I struggle to hold his wheel. Most of all I remember pain and agony compounded in the Criterium du Dauphine as I grovel my way up a mountain as the TV repeatedly screams at me to sit down then stand up, mocking me until my legs begin to cry.
Finally, it’s over. I swear silently as I peel myself off the machine and walk away without looking back. More than ever, I want this warm weather to last so I don’t have to go back to that dark place for a very long time.
I think this is the best offering yet from the Sufferfest, my views supported from my girlfriend who had this to say, “That was amazing, I was sick in my mouth at one point.”
Amazing indeed. Thanks again David, you evil evil bastard.
