The Commute

I don’t have the luxury of cycling to work as it’s only a 7 minute walk (used to be less but my fitness has dropped remember). I have to find different ways to amuse myself on my journey into the office. One such way that doesn’t risk arrest is to make up names for the same people that I see daily.
I guess it’s a similar situation for everyone who starts work at the same time everyday, you get to share pavement with the same old folk day in, day out.
Everyone has certain character traits or oddities, most of the people I pass tend to look pretty normal with a few exceptions:

Lady Bookworm – This woman should be locked up for her risk to public health. She is always walking along holding a book up in front of her face. How good must a book be to risk safety and stepping in dog poo for? Just once I want to see her walk into a lamppost. Why can’t you just buy an Ipod like everyone else?

Mr Mincer – The lanky gay who can walk perfectly normal most of the time but loves to put on a prance and a pout as soon as a man walks by. Get it into your head, we don’t care which way you swing, you just look like a twat.

The Train Rusher – Nothing is gonna stop this guy getting the train. His body style is arched perfectly so that outstretched arm holding his briefcase acts as a wing. I think the side to side wiggle is a waste of vital milliseconds but it does make you walk like Will from The Inbetweeners. Bravo.

Smokey Joe – I see smoke signals before I see you and to be honest every day I see you is a surprise considering you suck on that cigarette like your life depends on it. I’m just glad to step around your volley of spit as you cough up your lungs.

The Hot Chick – She most definitely is not. Surely there should be a weight to skirt length ratio? Mini-skirts are great, just not when they’re barely covering two doner kebabs.

School Chum – We both know that we went to primary school together but that was when we both liked He-Man and you wet your pants. I’ll happily avoid eye contact with you for the rest of my life. Thankfully, you feel the same……