With determination and self control, I managed to avoid the lure of the internet and went all day without seeing the result from Stage 1 of the Tour Down Under.
After seeing the highlights, one thing is pretty clear - these early season opening tours are pretty dull. Wow, a sprint point, wow one king of the mountains climb.......
I am so glad that the highlights are only 30 minutes! Anyway, so Matt "From Bros" Goss benefited from Prince Harry leading him out and took the win ahead of Greipel.
I'm still not sure why Cavendish wasn't up there trying for the win but I have a number of theories:
Theory 1
He isn't in fact racing in the Tour Down Under and has merely been named to boost ratings.
Theory 2
Mark Cavendish is in fact Andre Greipel and dresses in a gorilla suit to take obscure race wins in a hope to claim two salaries.
Theory 3
Andre Greipel ate Mark Cavendish.
Theory 4
Mark Cavendish is using the Tour Down Under to raise fitness and get miles in the legs and will not compete any sprints.
Theory 5
Mark Cavendish is so busy getting it on with Page 3 girls that he forgot to race.
Theory 6
Cavs is taking one for the team and letting someone else hog the limelight.
Theory 7 (ties in with 6)
Mind games, pure and simple. "Hey Greipel, you're not even fast enough to beat our number 2"
Theory 8
Lance Armstrong paid Cavendish to lay low so he can capture the headlines in his farewell international tour.
Theory 9
Out of season dental surgery has again dealt Mark a cruel blow and a surgical mistake has meant that he's ended up with a massive set of 36EE boobs. He's now trying desperately to cover them up by cycling anonymously in the pack until corrective surgery or a Page 3 contract comes into play.
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