A real man

Last week I watched a programme on the BBC about Mark Beaumont cycling the Americas. Mark has completed a long distance cycle journey previously, where he set the world record for circumnavigating the globe.
In years past, I was a big fan of motorcycling (I’m fickle remember) and used to enjoy watching a lot of documentaries about motorcycles, especially the travel ones as I dream of one day travelling and seeing the rest of the world.
Most people would be familiar with Ewen McGregor and Charlie Boorman and their journeys “Long Way Round” and “Long Way Down.”
I’m a bit of a fan of Ewen and Charlie but one thing used to really infuriate me. The constant whinging. They’re on a journey of a lifetime with a full support crew and all expenses paid and they’re still moaning that it’s so tough. They should just be pleased that they’ve got the luxury to do something like that while the rest of us sit and dream.
I think that’s the thing I like about Mark Beaumont, he just gets on with it. On last week’s episode, he camped rough with the threat of bear attacks (it was alright though as he had a 3 inch lock knife) and was so dehydrated that he was almost delirious. Did he whinge? Nope.
That’s the difference with cycling a trip and going by motorcycle. Self propelling your own way is a bit more fulfilling and you’re just happy when you haven’t got a hill to climb.
I’d be great on a trip like that. I like camping but would need an electric hook up so I could use all the gadgets that I’d want to take with me. I’d need a proper fold out bed too and a big thick sleeping bag. Those camping pillows aren’t that comfy either so I’d want a proper pillow, or perhaps two so that I could prop myself up to read at night. I’ve seen those portable satellite dishes too. I’d definitely need one of those to make sure I can catch Eurosport.
I would want to carry some decent food as well so I don’t get stuck eating noodles. Doing all that cycling might be tiring too, especially carrying all that stuff so I would probably be best to go by motorcycle, although if it rains, I’ll get wet. Car it is then, yeah, that will be nice. A long road trip, although the law says that I can’t drink and drive and we all know alcohol makes any situation happier.
Alaska does seem a nice place so I’ll just camp there for 6 months and drink beer, that way, I won’t need to drive anywhere and risk upsetting the local sheriff. We have beer and campsites in England though so maybe that would be a cheaper option? In fact, I do like my bed so maybe I’ll do a round the world trip indoors.
I could just pretend I’m travelling and sit on the sofa watching Mark Beaumont while I drink beer. Now, that is the trip for me.
I’d be rubbish on an intercontinental trip anyway, I’m not man enough to grow a proper beard……..