Subway Shenanigans

My commute to work is usually uneventful, with the exception of the odd person trying to hitch a tow. Today, I think I’ve spotted an all time low in humanity.

Walking through the subway I was astonished to see a big pile of steaming faeces. At first, I thought that someone had let their dog go but judging by (CSI fans prepare for some awesome investigation work) the smudge marks left up against the wall and the trajectory needed to leave them, I can only assume that this was left by a human squatting/crouching/leaning against the wall.

This bothered me in a number of ways. Firstly, how does someone stoop so low (forgive the pun) to actually crouch against a wall and do that in a public place?
My horror started to turn to admiration though, how much guts must someone have to pull off a stunt like that? Was it done for a joke? Were they drunk? Were they interrupted whilst doing the deed? How do you explain something like that to a passerby? What was their reading material?
I remember at school every year we had fitness tests and one such test was the ski sit. This was where you would have to crouch against the wall in the skiing prone position. I was always rubbish at it and lasted mere seconds. Our suspect must have mastered the ski sit and must have amazing thighs and leg muscles. Are they a cyclist? If not, with quads like that maybe they should be.

So if you’re the phantom crapper. Get in touch, we’ve got loads to discuss but please wash your hands first….