Foetuses - they don't know that they're born

Kids are stupid. It's a well known fact. I witness this kind of child stupidity quite often, especially in my 2 year old son who will always do the exact opposite of whatever I say, more often than not, when I say something along the lines of "don't climb on that" or "don't eat that" or "don't touch the remote control when Daddy's watching football and it's a penalty shoot out...."
This is why kids need guidance and I don't think it's particularly easy to be a child these days. I mean, sure you can shit your pants and get away with it more than an adult could but what kind of aspirations can you have?
With my public speaking ability, I'm pretty confident that I will get called upon some day to give career guidance to kids. I've had a few jobs in the past, often through no choice of my own but experience in the work place all the same and I am willing to share this if asked and I will pass on my advice to you should you ever find yourself in a career guidance position.
I think that it's important to put yourself in the position of the child, which is why I would probably eat some rice krispies, being careful to ensure that I leave some in my hair. Then I would more than likely piss myself as I'm leaving the house and have to get changed again.
What kind of advice can these would-be professionals receive? Well, I think it's essential to be realistic and one of the first lessons I've learnt in life is disappointment. The best way to provide this necessary feeling is by telling the kids that they're all going to Disney world and then tell them that they're not. This is quite a good one to use at home if you have children yourself. You can always add something along the lines of "well, we would have gone but remember when you were naughty that time 3-5 weeks ago?" This teaches other important lessons like, anger management, guilt control and is an excellent way of providing discipline.
So, what kind of jobs do kids want to aspire to today?
Bank manager? The banking industry is on it's arse, you can't expect a bonus and the general public hate you.
Doctor? Nurse? Underpaid, overworked, constant cuts and the probable risk of an early death through MRSA, I wouldn't fancy that.
Police Officer - A Vauxhall Astra as a company car, silly day-glo uniform and no gun with the probability of being shot by a 5 year old crack head. Sounds nice.
Teacher - constant fear of accusations of molestation, the need to wear tweed. Err no.

I think that the best advice for kids these days is to join the dole queue. That way, you can watch as much Jeremy Kyle as you like, eat rice krispies all day, get a free flat, shit your pants whenever you want and generally live in squalor without the pressure of normal life. Where do I sign up?