I don't care what the weatherman says.....

I’ve got a secret that I’m gonna share and to some of you, this could come as a bit of a shock.

Even though it may seem harmless and lets you walk over it all of the time…. tarmac hurts.

Last week, I decided to go on a little Sunday morning training ride. The weather report said that the temperature would be around 0 degrees all day. Now, I’m not a fan of weathermen (I’m a fan of a certain ITV weather girl called Becky Mantin but that’s another story). I wouldn’t say that if I were to meet a weatherman in the street, I would become aggressive but I do think that they are a bit smug for what is really an educated guess at what the climate has in store for us on any particular day. I will also put this out there too, I could probably cycle up a hill faster than most weather people. Fact.

Seeing as I am almost a pro cyclist and untrusting of the weather people (Becky, don’t include yourself in this trust issue if you’re reading this – which you probably are), I decided to venture out to get the old limbs a’ turning.

7 miles in and it’s a bit nippy but there’s no apparent danger, when all of a sudden the back wheel whips round and hell’s gonna break loose. My first thought was, “ninja attack” but then it became clear that the culprit was a section of black ice masquerading as tarmac. In this particular situation, I was able to use my skill to fall in a heap beside my bicycle whilst still clipped into the pedals.

Morale of the story: tarmac/pavement/road is as deadly as slapping a cobra round the face and calling it a retard.

This fall and resulting aftershock in no way contributed to the earthquake situation in Haiti. If you even suggest that it did, I will find you and make you bitch slap a cobra.